


with)in(between

by TheTacticianMagician



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Also kind of, Bisexuality, Identity Issues, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Otherkin, POV First Person, Polyamory, Spoilers, Worldbuilding, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 20:51:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18948415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTacticianMagician/pseuds/TheTacticianMagician
Summary: "I raised my head to greet the sudden, yet expected visitor. Not many enjoyed reading (out of those who could), or spending time in a potentially sombre, stifling labyrinth of written mysteries. But Shulk certainly did."Shobin; whereupon me and Shulk bond over issues with our sense of self and circumstances.(not self-insert; not that there's anything wrong with that)





	with)in(between

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoy the internal conflicts that come with interdimensional travel for blood sport with memory loss, substantial internal monologues, otherkin-adjacent experiences, pacing pauses for lore, and seeing nerds be nerds, this is a fic for you. Maybe. This is _definitely_ not a sort of self-indulgent vent fic, nope. Not at all. Definitely not that.
> 
> The other implied/stated pairings are Robin/Lucina, Robin/Chrom and Shulk/Fiora.
> 
> ! Minor/medium spoilers for Fire Emblem Awakening and Xenoblade Chronicles.

I can barely feel the headache, but it's still there.

 

It's a morning thing. It's a weight, that I believe to have a different source from what weighs on my mind lately, but when it does happen I tend to remain in my room or roost here - among swathes of books.

 

Cycles of destruction in this world have damaged previous stances of the fighters' living buildings, leading to the unorthodox approach of using pocket locations or dimensions to guard certain locales regardless of the integrity of the main building. The library is one such locale. 

 

I had to use a portal, or tele-porter to get here. Immaculate wood formed bookcases and tables and stairways, hiding nooks and secrets; smokeless, warmless candleflames in many forms provided the only illumination. Weeping and stained glasses were windows to the outside, a seemingly endless sea of stars, as if the library itself was floating in space.

 

Although the volume of books is not overwhelmingly vast, it is still impressive. There was so much information from so many different dimensions, it made me forget myself. I felt minuscule and doubtful. And yet I would come back for more, as if seeking a meaning in those feelings, something that must be beyond which memories the Hands carefully plucked from us.

 

⎾ Robin. ⏌ 

 

I raised my head to greet the sudden, yet expected visitor. Not many enjoyed reading (out of those who could), or spending time in a potentially sombre, stifling labyrinth of written mysteries. But Shulk certainly did.

 

He was very welcome company. I thought I was a fool when I fell for Chrom, a jester when his daughter evoked the same feelings in me, and by the time butterflies fluttered in my stomach the longer I'd be around Shulk, I had to laugh at the joke that was myself.

 

There are enough memories in me that I know me and Chrom and Lucina share a past. Even if they aren't the same ones - as seeing another version of yourself will lead you to accept such a possibility - the feelings towards Shulk were  _ entirely _ new, as we come from wholly different worlds. I had to wonder if that would have happened even if I kept my full memories, or if there was some tampering that led me to clicking so beyond well with him.

 

Shulk relates to my struggles. He also feels that there are missing parts- that there were gaps in memory even prior to coming to this tournament and losing more. We would turn books and muse for long drags of time about whether we were whole, if there were other lives we were forgetting, and sometimes if what we did remember was even real. Like the fellow Robin who is a mirror of me in most ways other than her gender, was there a female Shulk out there? Were any of us "the original"?

 

Rarely would anyone listen in or offer input to these out-there conversations, if they happened to also be in the library. The other Robin and the two manakete royals have talked over the difference in the memories they did recall, but they weren't exceedingly significant, pointing to them really being, in ways, the same individual.

 

Me and Shulk shared the sense of unease of perhaps not even belonging to our own bodies. Our entire sense of reality relied on friends and in these books that held subjects of our different homeworlds to ground the fact our experiences were real. But it was not the whole picture.

 

Although it was something of an intellectual exercise, it made me realize I had no issue sharing this much, being vulnerable for Shulk. And I wanted to know as much about him as he'd give me.

 

I wondered briefly if we must have met before, but it was not possible. He described his entire world as an ocean and people living upon gargantuan, sky-piercing statues. Could it have been another life? Or another interdimensional setup such as this one? Although ever vague, the Hands leveled an implication that our memories of here would all be wiped once the tournament was over. Marth, a veteran, has described this apparent mess - when he returned home in previous times, the original world's memories all returned and tournament events felt like barely-there dreams, but once he was summoned again, it was closer to the opposite - blurring the memories of his homeworld while regaining all those of previous tournaments in perfect condition. At no point were they allowed the full clarity of both worlds. Marth himself is another proof of the volatility of this event's reality, as he was a long-dead legend in my time, to whom Chrom is a descendant of. Yet here they look to be the same age. He is our past, and we are his future, and neither of us are "right". Time is not linear.

 

It drove me to a spiral of thoughts, one of those days. A reading session by my own, book becoming heavier with distraction by the minute, until it was laid still on the table and I was hunched without seeing the words in front of me. I was thinking of Shulk, and my accelerating heart and fuzzy feelings - how unlike with Chrom and Lucina, I would not be able to return with him to my world. How I would forget him and he'd become like a distant dream of doubtful veracity. Why should I present these feelings to him, confess in hopes he might reciprocate, and thus condemn him to forgetting a love? And yet, how would I stand to hide them? That feeling hit me like a raw blow, as if I had spent a lifetime of hiding and unrequitedness, and yet I did not have any memory to attach to that. It made me more distressed; past the tournament, this is what he, and everyone else here would be to me: confused, vague, incomplete feelings in the back of my mind without a traceable source.

 

Shulk having come across me like this that afternoon may have not been the best time- he was looking for me, and seeing him when my brain was already full of conflicting thoughts simply sent me into tactical thought overload.

 

I kissed him then, because I had thought that he had already seen this vision through his sword before, as I logically deduced during the very brief time window I considered just doing it, and his showing up and staying close and waiting expectantly must have meant he accepted that future. I was lucky he did not reject the advance, but... turns out his visions don't quite work like that, and I essentially delivered an unsuspecting assault, and I'm still embarrassed about that to this very moment. (Shulk says I shouldn't feel too bad as it was exhilarating and that I should  _ maybe _ do that more often, but mistakes aren't the sort to pack up and leave my mind).

 

He shares in the separation concerns, but stressed the importance of the  _ moment _ and how we could hope for a cycle such as Marth's, where we might meet again in combat. 

  
  


In the present, he sits in front of me, already guessing my situation. He gets those identity-crisis-fueled light migraines as well. So much of our time has been spent among books here that it is odd to think the whole purpose of us being sent out of our worlds is to do battle.

 

Shulk is more proficient in combat than I am, which I admire considering his youth, but I would rather do him battle by tongue (in... any of the manners that such might be interpretable, actually). Although not shoddy with simple two-handed blades, his sheer tactical variety potential through use of the Monado makes him a very fun opponent for practice. He cannot wield magic like me, although he is interested in trying to use tomes. We are not allowed to use each other's weapons in the actual tournament, but the two of us have long determined we don't care for the results. A number of fighters are much more diligent in training. We'd rather spend time with things like these.

 

Not dealing with the headaches, but, you know.

 

⎾ How are you feeling? ⏌  Shulk asks, a common substitute of ours over a simple 'good morning'.

 

I'm feeling the ghost of eyes under my skin, a light coat of numbness over my brain, teeth that aren't there overflowing my mouth, spine tearing but only in my mind's eye. It's unpleasant, although not new. I have to wonder if it's related to the world I came from, or some other life yet, or a phenomenon imbued into me by just coming here.

 

⎾ Body feeling out of place. Not strong though. ⏌ 

 

Even so, Shulk comes to me and splays his hand in gentle caresses under my eyes, over my lips. My mouth twitches as if to bite him, a phantom maw urging with none of my input, but he knows better. Anyone else would have flinched or withdrawn their hand. These specific things... I haven't talked to Chrom, or Lucina, or the other Robin about it yet- but I should, especially my reflected counterpart. If she came from a world that is a parallel to mine, certainly she would also feel this...

It takes a small while of Shulk caressing over the sensory-mess spots until the phantom sensations seem to fade, until mindmap matches bodymap. I've needed worse before, for the bad cases of it. Today is lighter overall.   
  
Not that he stops when I say I'm back in shape. Why would he? We both enjoy the touchy affection. Whoever comes in to see him sitting on my lap gently pushing my hair back is, well. Not my problem.   
  
⎾ Have you tried drawing it? ⏌    
  
⎾ Hm? ⏌    
  
⎾ The way your... uh... shape feels. When you feel those things. ⏌    
  
⎾ Hmmm... that sounds like a good idea. ⏌ I know there are wings, and that the teeth are long and sharp. I know there's a tail. And something at the sides of my head. Even if no mirror reflects the sensation of those, simply showing my body as normal... I could still feel the rough outline of all these invasive, not-quite-physical... growths?   
  
⎾ I mean, I'm curious too. ⏌ Shulk leaned back, the wall being a half-support. Then, in a joking tone, ⎾ You kiss so badly when you've got that in your head. ⏌    
  
⎾ Well, because my mouth is too big, and there's too many teeth, and I have to try to- fit and not hurt you. Even though it's not the case, it... yeah. ⏌ It probably looks very unflattering for me to be dealing with my own mouth as if it were a weapon when it visually looks the same as always.   
  
Although at first - back then - hearing this made Shulk look at me like I really had sprouted extra eyes or something, he didn't take long to accept and believe in my experiences. Which honestly meant a lot. I didn't have to fear ridicule, or question my mental integrity even more than I already was.   
  
⎾ Shulk. I've said this before, but... thank you for believing me. ⏌    
  
⎾ No worries. You also listen to me, after all. And even if you didn't... we shouldn't just treat anyone's experiences as just lies. Anything I see through the Monado might as well be hallucinations. If none of those events came to happen, it'd all be just in my head, too... and when we change that future, it really becomes a reality that's only within my mind. ⏌    
  
I could potentially try to use the Monado and see if I can also share in that ability- Shulk has said no, for good reason. Only he can use that sword without getting injured in the process. A man from his world that lounges around here often due to just being an Assist has essentially lost use of his right arm as a direct result of using the Monado. Shulk doesn't know why it doesn't bring him any ill effects, or why Dunban didn't get visions of the future while wielding the blade. I have tried bringing up the Falchion's legend, and how only members of the exalted bloodline could draw its power, but Shulk is no royalty. Although letting others try to wield it could bring forth further answers, he doesn't want to risk anyone's health. (Albeit a couple of fighters who stole it from him didn't experience visions, either).   
  
Shulk doesn't experience the nonhuman appendage sensations, but he feels phantom power - in a way he says feels exceedingly hollow and like his own spirit is going to burst out of his body at the same time. Like with me, that doesn't actually...  _ do _ anything. If it's any manner of premonition, we don't know yet. Perhaps there are books hidden around here that mention such occurrences. If so, I haven't gotten to them.   
  
⎾ What were you reading? ⏌ He asks conversationally.   
  
⎾ Something not too heavy. It's a brief study written by a manager here about how they had to specifically imbue language into our brains, so that we can understand one another and speak the same tongue, and passages showing alphabets. They made a sort of equivalent substitution. But there isn't much technical talk. ⏌ On top of being really short. It was interesting how it wasn't considered some form of confidential information, either.   
  
⎾ Where was it? ⏌    
  
⎾ On the section that's about subjects pertaining to this world. Everything there is really interesting, but this particular one wasn't here before. Maybe they're gradually giving us more clues surrounding everything they've been doing... ⏌    
  
Would they eventually give us missing information on our past, say exactly which memories they have taken away? How they found us, why they chose us... What were we doing when we were first sent here? What about our worlds? Since we do not age here - has time perhaps stopped for those in our worlds, and when we return, it will have barely spanned an eye's blink? I couldn't fathom that we would just be torn from them as they worry there -  _ or even remember exactly who "they" are... _ __   
  
My mind ached when I tried to retrace steps back from the first day here. Huge blanks filled my inner vision. And it was in weird, specific ways; I recalled my emotions, even of events I don't remember, yet I could hardly visualize. Memories related to Chrom and Lucina, and theirs with me, were easier to reach- but so much of the rest was a foggy tempest.   
  
I didn't realize I was grimacing, outwardly seeming to be in struggle, tense. I only did by the time Shulk filled up my sight, nose bumping on mine before tilting to draw me into a kiss.   
  
My tension melted as my concerns were pushed away, overtaken by the real, palpable sensations pulling me in. I gratefully responded, pressing gently back until he sighed well and played with lips alongside mine. Not quite dry, not wet yet. My off-focus gaze lifted to find him briefly watching me, so careful. I found in it an invitation to raise my hand to the back of his hair and press him forward, opening my mouth to have him take it.   
  
Tongues soon greeted warmly, nose breaths puffing over the other's cheeks, his head down-tilted to make up for height. Our bodies were properly pressed together now, legs struggling to fit the sofa chair well. At least, they tried to design every space around the wildly different physical structures of the fighters, and it wasn't too tight a fit. I might never know my actual age, but it stood to fact this young man was bigger than me, and fairly stifling when he was on top of me. Which was very nice.   
  
He withdrew very slowly, the little peek of tongue quietly sliding back past his lips.⎾ Maybe you shouldn't dwell on heavy stuff so soon after headaches. ⏌    
  
⎾  _ You're _ heavy. ⏌ I responded playfully, shifting my legs under his body.   
  
Shulk rose off, amused. ⎾ I could get under the table instead, you know... ⏌    
  
Fire spread under my skin at his implication. I tried to reject the very idea with every sane intellectual argument one could have against it, but I couldn't form words that I agreed with. My genuine mental response to it, under all the logic and "what ifs" was a resounding  _ yes _ .   
  
⎾ Shulk... really. Really, you would? ⏌    
  
⎾ I don't think I would have the courage, to be totally honest. Even if we shifted the shelf to close us in this spot... there's no locking the teleporter, or anything. ⏌ He rubbed his shoulder, looking off to the side - before the teleporter were short corridors, and to the end of those was a semi-circle layout, with bookshelf divisions granting five little corners with chairs and one table each. There were outer, perpendicular bookshelves to these divisions that were slideable along a half-circle engraving on the floor, which could be moved to close any of those corners for further privacy. At present however, we could see anyone coming in from outside the library. ⎾ And I don't know if there would be a punishment for it if we got caught, I don't remember... Some rules review would help. ⏌    
  
Punishment for misconducts were usually delivered by way of battle, as is everything this event is centered around. You have to face long, grueling matches where every spot of your body hurts, or where your mouth burns with curry throughout, or where everyone, including yourself, is invisible, and there is no real way to aim or defend against attacks. My curiosity has lent me one of those voluntarily, and another as punishment. Let us say, it was very bad.   
  
⎾ We can just take the books to our rooms, and not worry about any of that. And then we don't have to worry about time, or being quiet... ⏌ I closed my book in emphasis. Peach had knit bookmarks for each of us, including custom mini versions meant to be tucked at the end of books we had already finished reading. Needless to say, books with these almost only ever had little purple-toned embroideries sticking out, from me, my counterpart, Mewtwo and Meta Knight. (There's plans to make them for the Assists as well, since they have much more free time anyway). Finding books left on a table with one of your bookmarks in there that you  __ haven't put in is a good way to find notes someone left for you specifically, with anonymous intent or not. When people catch on, it's gonna be disastrous.   
  
It was the blond's turn to visibly flush, mulling the proposal over in his head. ⎾ I guess we could... but doesn't lunch start in under an hour? ⏌    
  
⎾ Food is always available, but that is the official time, yes. Are you hungry? ⏌    
  


⎾ Ah, no, not really, but... Fiora is going to kick my behind if I don't attend meals. She doesn't need to eat anymore because of her intramachinery, and I think she forgets that we don't need to eat  _ that _ often. She starts thinking I'm avoiding food because I'm sad or sick. ⏌ He shook his head.   
  
⎾ Oh? Maybe I should leave the door unlocked so she can come look for you then. ⏌ I rested my chin over crossed fingers, smiling innocently. Fiora was his girlfriend, and not exactly jealous, but I was just pulling his leg.   
  
⎾ And then have Dunban or Riki come look by her orders instead? ⏌    
  
⎾ ... I wasn't serious, but even then, you got me. ⏌ I lifted off the chair. ⎾ I invite you to my room. You can choose how long you stay. But I make no promises that you will  _ want _ to leave once you start riling me up. ⏌    
  
I saw what appeared to be a full-body shudder weave through Shulk's body, and that was  _ deeply _ satisfying.   
  
⎾ Nevermind, I guess I  _ am _ hungry. ⏌ He corrected, and tugged on my sleeve to lead us out. I laughed.   
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I want to use ⎾ ⏌ as speech denotations for all my new fics, which also lets me use "" for non-speech with less concerns. I still have lots of fic drafts that keep that old format though, so might be a while before those brackets start showing up more often.
> 
>  
> 
> **omake, something I didn't know how to continue:**
> 
> `"There was a subdued flash and I nearly bumped into the incoming visitor; my head almost butting into the same-height one.`
> 
> `It was my counterpart, the other Robin. Just as I was also "the other Robin" to her.`
> 
> `⎾ Oh, good morning. ⏌ She greeted.`
> 
> `⎾ Good morning. Robin, uh, can I... talk to you later? About memories. And your... ⏌ "body" would be a terrible way to put it, actually, so let's immediately drop that- ⎾ ...How you're feeling lately. Is that alright? ⏌ `
> 
> `⎾ Sure. I don't have any battles scheduled for today, so I should be available. ⏌ `
> 
> `⎾ I'll look for you. But don't wait for me. Feel free to carry out whatever tasks you wish until then. ⏌ "`


End file.
